Disciplining your (4 year old) child

 

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(photos taken after we kissed and made up..tonight)

 

I don’t remember disciplining a child this hard with our two boys..probably because Chris was the one mostly dealing with them.  I was the one with a softer heart when it comes to the boys.  But we agreed on being consistent which was the hardest part for me.

Now that we have an ONLY girl, and the youngest (to make it worse), I would not deny the fact that she can bend the rules at times…especially with Chris.  She just knows how to melt her dad’s heart and I understand that it’s hard to punish her but it MUST be done!

She is now 4 years old, at the stage where she can be very unsociable. But when she says “I dont like her”, it only means, Mom, I’m shy! But then again, I don’t like her does not mean I am shy… But once she has made friends, she can be very nice and make you her bestfriend right away. But again, It is not right that words and phrases like: “NO!”, “I don’t like you” come out of her mouth.

Most of the time, we talk firmly to Eia, what she did wrong and why she should not do it again.  Saying sorry is so easy for her that it came to a point when she thought everything would be back to normal after saying it.

One day we were going to watch a movie that was not for her.  We were all out then for dinner and I forgot what offense she did but I saw an opportunity to make it a reason why she was going home instead of watching movie with us.  She cried, of course and next day, said sorry first thing. But that time finally she knew I was not joking when I told her I will leave you in the house if you misbehave.

Last week she was all dressed up to go with us to her Ninang Regine’s concert but earlier that day, she disobeyed me and stamped her feet when she got annoyed.  We talked to her and decided why she cannot come with us.

There were times when she would really throw a tantrum and it has been agreed, “walang papansin”, even her Ate Mar.. when someone is angry at her, everyone is not allowed to give her attention.  When she does not talk properly to the Ates,  the Ates are not allowed to attend to her. If she does not treat them right then they can leave and no one will cook for her, wash her clothes etc.

Yesterday was a good day, she was very obedient.  She did not fight a classmate nor contradicted Ate Mar. She just said yes when told it was time to go home.

Just today in school, she knows that to hit reply is a NO!NO! but still she did to a parent of a classmate who was asking her to go inside the classroom.  She apologized twice and for her it should not be a big deal anymore after her apology.  She came home and said sorry for what she did.  I realized the gravity of the offense after her yaya told me everything and unfortunately for Eia, she was ready to leave to have dinner with us.  Yes, we left her! She was crying and begging me to forgive her. I said okay but she knows that she will have to stay home as a consequence for what she did because we have just talked to her about it and that she knows it was not right because on their way home, she asked her Ate Mar if she could be allowed to watch TV since she committed a mistake so for sure, the Ipad is off limits. Cried at the top of her lungs while stamping her feet and threw her amulet to the floor.  That ticked me off.  I ran up to her, and spanked her.  Her dad got off the car and ordered her to go up to her room. She knows when to be scared with her Dad.  She asked Ate Mar to hug her and she refused to and told her, it was her fault.

Breaks my heart but what must be done should be done! And consistency is very vital.  She cannot have an ally when she is being punished for what she did. “Kung sinong kaaway, siya lang ang puedeng pumansin”.  Not even grandparents.  We can cut them some slack but when it comes to more serious things that need attention, yes, we have be in it together.  They have to respect the rules of the parents.

Coming home, Daddy woke her up and talked to her.  She went to me and apologized, we both cried. I told her how much it hurts me when I get angry with her more so spank her.  But we stressed out that if we didn’t love her, we would not pay attention to the wrong things she does and just let her grow up that way, then she would have no friends and no one will like her.  That yes, she is my bessie, I am her best buddy but it does not mean I will not get mad at her when she does something wrong. That it doesn’t make me a bad mommy when she gets spanked because it is done to correct her.

And lately, we have been going in and out of toy stores without buying anything.  She knows that she cannot have everything more so when she does something wrong.  We told her that Santa will be the one to decide whether he will give her toys this christmas or not.

As I put her to sleep, she prayed, Lord, I want to be a good girl.  Eia, I know will grow up to be a good person because she reminds me so much of her.  I was even worse.  Cause I always had my Lola as my ally. One day,  I will share all my kinks during my childhood.  My Titos and Titas who saw me growing up and did not see me for years were all amazed at how nice I have become (lol).  I don’t know but growing up, I enjoyed being “pilya” and now that we have Eia, they say, “ayan na ang katapat mo”.  That was why part of the prayer my mom taught me when I was a child is “make me a good girl always”. and I still say the same prayer…Parenting is tough but I embrace it so lovingly!

This entry was posted in Family.

3 comments

  1. Guia Buenaflor says:

    Hi! I follow you on IG and I’ve read your blog is up so I checked it out. I totally agree with you on disciplining Eia. Sobrang nakaka-relate ako kasi my daughter Maegan is almost the same age as hers. She’ll be 4 years old this coming January and she’s my eldest. I just gave birth to another baby girl last September 7th.

    My daughter is the sweetest but when she’s having tantrums, she always use the words MAD, MEAN and BAD. Madalas sya mag-walk out sa amin ng Daddy nya when we reprimand her when she does something bad. Pinapabayaan lang namin because after a minute, she’ll come back to us as if nothing happens. What breaks my heart is when she tells me that You’re mad at me and you don’t love me anymore. We always try to explain to her that she can’t get everything she wants, she understands but of course she will argue with me all the time asking me why she can’t have it. At the end of the day, we always have a heart to heart talk and giving her a big hug and kiss on the forehead puts her to sleep. Just want to share with you the phrase I always tell her: “It’s not enough that you have a good face, a smart mind but you also needs to have a big Heart.”

    God bless your family!

    • Sherilyn Reyes-Tan says:

      really true! I think they are in that stage. Same thing with Eia, she says I don’t love her..or siguro daw I wished I didn’t have a baby kasi I’m mad at her. Thanks for this, I shall start telling her this as well… 🙂

  2. Edgardo Thaden says:

    excellent put up, very informative. I ponder why the opposite experts of this sector do not realize this. You should continue your writing. I am confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

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