I admire how they can keep it together. I have talked to two very tough ladies who are very close to me. My sisters! Fortunately and unfortunately, both of them are Single (and Proud) Mothers.
Both working like horses to provide for their needs and their kids’ needs, which obviously stressing out that financial strain is a number one problem. Fortunately for the others, sometimes they get financial help (at least once in awhile if not regularly) from the fathers. There are so many ways to earn extra aside from your salary. Be an online seller of just anything you think people will be interested with. Food, accessories, bags, shoes, notepads–anything! Go to Divisoria! buy stuff, create an IG account for your online store and start earning extra.
Another struggle they mentioned is the guilt- Guilt whether you are raising your child well since you have no help from a partner. Guilt that because there are days when you cannot be with them, they might feel neglected. Guilt that you are not able to provide everything they want (Do not be guilty on this part cause you should not really give everything they want even if you are very happily married). Some tend to provide their kids with material things to make up for the time not spent with them or because of the guilt that they are not whole as a family.
They are always tired. “Laging kang pagod kasi ikaw lahat”.. You come home from the office and still left with stuff to do..check your kids’ homework, prepare or check their stuff for the next day, blessed if you have your mom or siblings there to help you but they also have their own lives and you cannot rely everything to them. Lucky for those who can afford to pay a helper but then again, you cant rely everything on her.
No time for self, No time for friends- Well, I think my sisters are blessed not to have this as a problem. They even love this part. I think it also depends on the age of the kids. If your kids are older and are busy with their hobbies or friends, then you can also take some time out to relax. But regardless of their age, a parent must have ME TIME. TO recharge! Do not isolate yourself. That will also have an effect on how you treat your kids. Since your life is not balanced, you will tend to have very short patience. As my other sister said, it keeps her sane.
Decisions- you are on your own! And the fear of making the right one is there cause there is no one to argue or agree with you. Yes, no one takes the blame for whatever but you! But you still have your parents, siblings and trusted friends to consult whether your values match with theirs.
Disciplining- okay so the guilt strongly comes in here. “Papaluin mo ba yung anak mo e wala ka na nga lagi sa tabi nya?” . My answer is yes! Some parents do not resort to spanking as a form of discipline but I believe when you have talked to your kids several times about the rules and still unfollow them then they have to know you are talking serious business here. And not making them experience the consequences to their actions will make it worse. ” Kinakaya kaya ka ngayong bata pa, pano pa pag lumaki na?”. Some kids spend days with both parents separately which makes it more difficult to discipline them as they’re following two rules. And they will love to stay where they can get away with so many things. And separated Parents can never agree on the same rules anymore. (kung meron, lucky kid!)
Being a single mom or parent is really tough but kids, they will understand and appreciate everything you do for them, in time. Parents just have to keep on talking to them to reassure them of their love. I believe in quantity and quality time but since the quantity is hard for now, make the most of the time you are together. Constant reminder of your love is best! Plus the help of your extension: Your parents and siblings! I salute all the single parents for being able to put it all together. And it does not mean you will be single forever, that’s another topic, FINDING YOUR FOREVER AND THE PERFECT STEPPARENT FOR YOUR KIDS!…As for me I can sya, May Forever!